Saturday, April 6, 2013

bucking up, Princess

After making it through what had been the worst day of my life (Holy Saturday), I woke up Easter Sunday with a 180 degree positive outlook change.  The thoughts and feelings that literally weighed me down Saturday, evaporated come Sunday morning. I know that is part of my personality (you can ask the hubby or my sisters and family): I blow up and have a massive break down. Then, give me time, and I'll pick myself up again and move on. Our TTC journey has not been any different. And although Aaron's not looking forward to  making a dozen trips to Denver over the next month and a few weeks (because Park Meadows mall is literally half a mile from our doctors office), we both are looking at this next step as possibly the final long haul. 

To whom much is given, much is tested.

If I did not have the husband or the resources that we have been blessed with, there is no way I could have made it this far. And "this far", has been a long, long, draining climb. However, I look at Aaron and I's relationship and I know that this journey has brought us so much closer. I look at couples who never have struggled with this aspect of life, and I know that our bond is stronger. We fight messier and harder, but that is what bonds relationships.  We've had to experience situations and emotional breakdowns that most couples married a year and half, haven't touched on yet. 

I look at the men in my past, and they all would have turned tail and ran the other way. Some did. And I am stronger for that and there's a beautiful family in KS with two boys who benefited from that cowardice.

I don't know what our summer will hold for us (and at this drought rate, summer won't be full of harvest). Selfishly, I pray it is full with excitment and heart burn. But, please, not heart break. Then, I'm reminded of Jesus in the garden: "Not my will, but yours be done".

So, I am taking this next month of reduced meds, to get back to what I loved doing: running. And it has felt so.damn.good. I'm loving my hormone-freed body, complete w/no break outs or bloated bellies.  However, I know that will soon come back around.  And I'll be ready to kick its ass. And we are praying/hoping that it is paid back with tiny steady beautiful heart beats.  And we're givers: we'll take more than one :)

So, here is to every morning being Easter Sunday.