Monday, October 25, 2010

back in the saddle part one

I'm victorious in my return to blogging!! Life had consumed me with its graduate class"nes", work"ness", small intestine pain"ness" and figuring out why I've been so moody as of lately. I've successfully defeated all three of these predicaments with two things: running and "West Wing".

It's no real shocker that I am a dramatic person; I have the fluent ability to overreact and dramatize anything. However, there was a period lately where I was extra "passionate" and it was giving nothing but strife to myself and those around me. I feel as though I was able to pinpoint it to my Ambien that I take for sleeping. I was able to fall asleep relatively quickly, but it was making me a crazed farmers daughter between the hours of 6:30 am-9:00 pm. I felt this extreme amount of negatively in everything I did. Long story short, I was a moody bitch. Couldn't shake it. Credit to me for noticing that something was not right. I feel as though I've identified one thing I am able to do to shake it off, that doesn't involve a straight jacket and a twisted Russian psychiatrist. Running.

I had strayed from my usual religious routine of running after work, because I was wanting to spend time with people other than my Asiscs running shoes and circa 2002-Ipod. However, I know that these people would prefer to spend less time with me, if that means that I am not the cranky bitch with is becoming an expert at "finding" things wrong with them.

We all have that breaking point with issues in our life. Everything starts to pill up and no matter how hard we tread the water, we feel the general pull downwards. Luckily for me, I've figured out what I need to do to combat the negative energy (running). I had tried walking to work, which was great and really helped clear my head before going to work and afterwards. But, I feel as though I'm going back to my old routine of driving to work and then running when I get home. Hell with humanity and the environment.

I drive a Honda.

That's good enough.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Kind hearted sibling teasing

I grew up teasing my sisters so much.

I'm almost shocked I'm not receiving bills from my siblings for ongoing therapy that is probably needed for them to function normally in the free world. Poor Mel. Mel got the worst of the teasing from me. To be honest, majority of it came from my insecurity and jealousy over her. Mel was/is taller than myself and thinner. She'll deny it to the grave. It's true. We're the same size, but she appears thinner than me, because her legs are so damn long. As in 37 inch inseam on her pants.

She had/has good hair. It's not poof that requires an expensive (well, that's my decision to have spent $120 bucks on my blow dryer) and pricey straightener (again, my decision). Her temperament is softer than mine and some would venture to say she's more mature than I am. Eh, whatever. She's great. She's marrying one of the greatest and coolest guys I know in March and as much as it hurts to see her move on to her new chapter, I am absolutely excited for her and Mason. But that's not the purpose of this blog: worshiping Mel.

The purpose is that I know that I'm not the only sibling who horribly teased their siblings, to the point that their devout Catholic mother would walk around outside praying the rosary. No joke. I know with the amount of rosaries my mother has said in her lief, I could go on a mass murdering spree and STILL make it to heaven. No joke. It's ridiculous. In a good way. Entirely good way.

One time, Mel and I were in a massive fight. Probably started with me being pissed off about something not related at ALL to Melanie and lashed out on her (I'm AMAZING at this). She probably made some smart ass comment about me being too gorgeous for my own good and hence a fight ensued. This particular time, it got really nasty. I was chasing Mel around our house into our room and she slipped on the rug on the wood floors. BAM goes her mouth on the side of a cabinet in our room. Split went her tooth. Total crack on one of them. It wasn't like a "white trash" ohmygodwheresyourtrailerandliveincousinboyfriend split, but it was obvious none the less. With time, we had the tooth fixed (irony enough that she's now a dental hygienist. Maybe that incident was what motivated her to become one.... Hmmmmm). Anyways.

Mom was SO disappointed in us. And probably it was one of those days that Daddy was in the field and had 590234 break downs, which resulted in HIM lashing out at my Mom (that's where I get it from). So, I can only assume she was in one hella great mood. (sidenote: Mom's role model is Mother Teresa and I swear, she has the patience of Blessed Mother Teresa. She's amazing. Anyway). I still can see her walking around outside checking her flowers with her rosary beads in her hand.

I know I teased Alayna and Jacinta, but since the age difference is so big between us, it wasn't the mean and vile teasing that I did with Mel. It was more of the "big annoying sister" kind of teasing with those two. One of these days, I am quite sure, my kids will force me to go outside and pray rosaries because of their actions to each other.

However, I have always been more aggressive than my Mom.

So, I'll be relying on my friends Jack and Jose. But mainly, Jack.

I love my memories of being a bitch.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

there are things that matter and things that don't

"there are things that matter and things that don't".

I have that written on a post it taped to the shelf that holds my computer screen. That's from a Craig Morgan song, that basically tells the story of an older man whose home was destroyed by a tornado and a reporter, of course hot on the scene, throws a microphone into his face. I have this posted on my desk to remind me that there are things in life (work) that really don't matter. At.all. I find that the riffraff students (those who are unmotivated for life, in general) are the ones who bring negative energy into my office and my life. It may be easy for you reading this to assume that artists are going nowhere in life. However, I am not talking in terms of "going somewhere" as in making a shit ton of money. I mean "going somewhere" as in if they need to take a shitty retail job to make money, they will. And they'll be happy to be employed, damn it.

Those are the kids that allow me to fully enjoy my job, because I'm actually doing what my job is with them: guiding.

It's the bullshit kids who constantly miss appointments, constantly are bitching about a professor who's "too hard" on them, blaming about someone else and how it's THEIR fault that they're clinging to a 2.1 GPA. Fuck off. Seriously. Who are you kidding?! You're expecting everyone to believe that it's honestly is someone else's fault that you can't get your shit together? Honestly?!
I respect the student who owns up to their fuck ups and honestly are trying. They're not blaming a professor for not excusing their absence from the final due to being called in to work. Hell, you make the decision to work full time AND go to school full time? Props to you. But damn you if you think that gives you a "free pass". And it seems that there aer more and more of these kids: the riffraff who are going nowhere with their lives and are so incredibly needy and blamy. If my kids were to cut the bullshit, I'd be able to cut the bullshit whining that I do. I promise.

When it comes to actually doing my job, I absolutely love it. I love my kids who are pro active and take my advice and honestly consider it. I could care less if they follow through with it, that's their deal. If I am able to focus on these kids, the ones who pull their own personal weight, I'd be a beautifully mannered young adviser.

I started advising yesterday for spring 2011 courses with my students who are graduating spring 2011. These are the students who I've had since they were baby freshman; they're my first class. They're awesome. I know I'm being extremely partial, because I've had them since K-State birth. Advising them for the final time has been bittersweet, because these guys have seen be go through it all: name change, body change, hair color change, and outlook on life change. It's a beautiful process seeing them through from freshman to graduating seniors. It all comes full circle.Then I feel like an idiot, because I've been in this position and in MHK that long (four years since graduation).

But, as the title says "there are things that matter and things that don't" and all in all, I wouldn't have traded these past eight years in MHK for anything. But I would sell my soul to be on "jersey shore".

Friday, October 1, 2010

harvest memories with parades of lights

It is OCTOBER!!!!! I LOVE OCTOBER! Why? Probably because I know that it's getting cooler out and that means I won't look like a swamp monster when I get to work from walking from my house (I sweat a lot, if you're new to my world). October makes me think of crisp fall cardigans, which makes me think of how much I love that I have great style, which makes me think of "Wow, how did I get such great style when my Daddy wears rain boots and ten year old Kmart cloth shorts with a Goodwill short sleeve button up that HAS to have a pocket on Sunday afternoons?!". Then I think of Daddy and the farm...........................................

Ah, how much do I miss the farm during fall? So much. On Highway 24 on the way to ajl's, there's a random corn field that was cut about a couple weeks ago (must have been cut for feed). The night they had the combine and grain cart out there, I was heading out to ajls and it was so bittersweet.

I had the deju feeling of Kenny Pauls' custom cutting team parked on the prairie in front of the home place and droooooooooling over the adorable hired help (even though 79% of them were Mennonite as in legit Mennonite with no radio in their cars, etc). I remember during harvest when Mel and I were in elementary school, we'd sit up waiting for the combines, grain carts, semis, etc to pull into our driveway @ night, while we were in bed. My parents have a long driveway that leads up to our home place and we'd call it "The Parade" when they all started pulling up the drive way. When Daddy would get in from the field with them, he'd always come back to the Girls' Room (our room) and we'd play opossum (he knew we weren't asleep).

He'd stomp to the foot of our bed (yes, we shared a bed. Hell, I shared a bed until high school. You see now why all my kids are sharing rooms) and put cross his arms and stand there, until Mel and I pulled him down into the bed. Those are the memories I remember from growing up. Daddy never acted short tempered with us if he had a break down in the field that put them behind a half day. We were his girls and he was so happy to be home with us. I'm not saying he doesn't love a less now, but times are different. We farm more now than back then (Daddy probably has to because he has four girls=over 16 years of college educations=four weddings=a jillion prom dresses). Times are more stress now, because of the market being so incredibly shitty and family farms going bankrupt right and left, you have to big to stay afloat now. That's just how it is and that means that he's gone so much more than when Mel and I were growing up.

I just hope that someday my kids have the amazingly beautiful memories that my sisters and I have when it comes to harvest and the parades of lights. But, if your kids turn out worse than you, my kids will probably shoot paint balls at their father.