Monday, November 22, 2010

it's called christmas break

Bitch be back.

Close your eyes and say your prayers (preferably Catholic prayers). It's been nearly a month since my last post and I wish I could say that I've been out hiking in the mountains of Dubai (cough..Helen) or eating ethnic peanuts (cough..Helen). Alas, the truth is that I have been mentally exhausted with work and school and keeping somewhat of a skeleton of a social life. K-State doesn't have classes this week (some bullshit about "Fall Break", but let's call it what it is: THANKSGIVING BREAK. I still will and always will refer to "Winter Break" as CHRISTMAS BREAK). So therefore, I don't have my graduate classes this week and I refuse to start my 8 page research paper that's due early December. For today and tomorrow, I refuse to do more than half-ass straighten my hair and wear only a third of the MAC eye makeup I usually apply. I am wearing old Pumas that remind me more of drinking on Wednesday nights in the AGR parking lot than I legally should admit to and low-rise boot cut GAP jeans from Holiday 2008 and anyone that knows me, is aware that I hardly keep clothes around for more than two years. It's low maintenance these next two days. It honestly is incredibly exhausting putting on heels, dress trousers, and appropriate blouses daily for work and straightening the hair and putting on the make up. I am well aware that I do not need to go to such lengths that involve wearing pink Crocs from my car to my office, because my feet are abnormally wide (read: fat) and my left foot, I swear, shrunk .5 sizes after the baby was born. I take a certain pride in my appearance. And it's exhausting and today and tomorrow, I do not care.
It also helps that the boss lady, herds of male undergraduates, and Aaron are gone for the next couple days.

Ah, yes. I mentioned the bf and for all of you who were wondering "Are they still together? I'll bet that Monica and her moods scared that poor boy away." Joke is on you. Six months last Saturday. Six months is the equivalent to ten years to Aaron.
So, I think we're sitting pretty damn good.

Enjoy the photo of the roses he had sent to my office Friday. I took them home to enjoy, but brought them back to the office this morning. I am that desperate for attention. You're right.
Oh, but man. It's been a road test. Seriously. I feel as though most relationships, once they hit the six month mark or get close to it. It's make it or break it time. The honeymoon is over, as Aaron observed the past month, and shit is getting real. I've only been in one other relationship that made it past six months and I should have been hit over the head with a shovel at that point. It wasn't a good relationship. We were young and I was drunk half the time (I was 20 years old. Simmer) He did not "maturely" love me and I sure as hell didn't "maturely" love him. We were young and thought that we had it all figured out, when the only thing I really had figured out was how much I could drink and still earn A's and B's in college.

Relationships are scary business. You invest physical, emotional, and financial efforts into the other person. And wish the best end result. Aaron could have said "You know, you're a great looking girl and can dance like an idiot when you've had a few double whiskey diets, but I don't know. You're not worth it. You're totally different than me. You're an emotional girl." And he'd be right. I am a great dancer and I do enjoy a nice whiskey.

And we are totally different people. I know there are people reading this who doubt the relationship because they've either known me for awhile or Aaron for awhile. Hell, you don't' have to have known me for awhile to get the point that I have a strong streak of crazy in me. Just check in with my "Curse Calculate" and draw an assumption. Go ahead. Hell if I care.
But what I do care about is ajl and we're going to plow through, trudge through, curse through, vent through this mess of a life together. We're learning and with love + patience, I think we'll get it figured out.

I take that back.

I know we will.

I'm back and it never felt so good.