Ah, the jitters of a first date with someone.
Even if you really aren't interested in the new prospect, you still have those jitters/butterflies. Oh and I know I'm not the only girl who plans her whole life with the new guy on a first date. Guys, even if we don't want to end up with you when our dating race is over, we still fantasize (maybe fantasize is the wrong word to use, maybe "plan" is better) a future together. With every guy in college that I was associated with (and by associated with, I mean made out with, shared a shot with, went to frat date parties with, ahem, etc) I dreamed up what our lives would look like together. Where would we live? What kind of house? How many kids (well, let's be honest. I've wanted to have six kids since I was old enough to know how to make kids... So since I was 21 years old) What would we be driving? How would his work schedule jive with picking the kids up from over-priced beginner's lessons? You may think I'm crazy and off my rails, but trust me. Every.Girl.Does.This. If she claims she doesn't/didn't, she is lying, because she doesn't want you to think she's "that" girl. Women are planners. It is in our DNA. Get used to it. Or we will plan you out of our lives.
On this first dates of jitters and inner monologues that we practiced with our roommates before we left to meet you, we are also trying to curb our tongues in spilling too many beans about our past. We've been "taught" by magazines and society to not say too much, but to say just enough to wow you into thinking we're these mystical creatures that you are just dying to chase. Some girls envision a wild African prairie of lions and lioness and random impalas and they are the lioness (similar to Nala "Lion King") alluring their mate. For me, I'm just trying to keep my gurgling stomach to shut up, which of course may affect how many times I cough to mask the gurgle. It's quite sexy. And that's just the fear of the internal organs! I haven't even touched on the major issues that we want you (our prey) to be made aware of on the first date. Depending on the age of the girl, we determine what person she wants you to believe she is. If she's younger and really not sure of who she is as a woman, she'll try to play the role of what society wants her to be. Docile, quiet, alluring, (read: high maintenance on this one).
However, when you get to a certain age, fuck what society is saying you should act like. Add in some major life changing issues (i don't' know.. having a baby, going through open adoption @ 25) and you're laying it all out on the line. You don't have the energy nor the time to deal with posing and being fake.
That was my mentality starting about a year ago. What you see, is what ya got, Baby. And what I found, was that it greatly reduced my stress when it came to dating/guys. I didn't have to deal with the pressure of continuing this idealistic view of myself to someone. I'm not perfect. My tummy gurgles and I am now taking Activa to help my poor internal system out. I didn't want to date or be with a guy who couldn't take the real me. I am way too damn old to deal with being someone else. Dating was easy, because I knew right off the bat if I was really into a guy or was going to be wasting their time and mine. I was being honest with the person I am head over heels in love with: me. I have a son out there whose mother deserves to make him proud. None of this rift-raft half-assed dating.
This honesty then affected my self esteem, because I felt like a rock star. I knew what I was wanting in someone else. Ah hell, I still planned our lives together during the first few dates (silently, of course), but that's where it ended. I knew that when I found someone who connected with me on life values (religion, family, goals, my endless spending account at GAP), I'd be done dating. I tell ya, going through what was my last two years really forces you to realize what is important to you in life.
And I found this guy who connected with me on all my major issues (two biggest: faith and family) and I'm done. Put the kabosh on and cancel my match.com membership. Lock it down and move it out. Because this girl was honest with herself and found a man who can be honest with her.
Put that in your honesty pipe and smoke it. And do yourself a favor and be honest with that next hot date. And take the Tums, just in case.