Friday, August 20, 2010

limelights and cow patties

I am tentatively relieved right now. I just finished up my final appointment for Freshman Orientation and Enrollment. No need for me to vent on and on about how much I loathe assisting students with classes the day before classes start. Or vent about my opinions in regards to an university that accepts and accepts and accepts students regardless of the capacity they can hold. No need. Water under the bridge. That ship has sailed. Wahwahwaha and who really wants to "hear" me bitch about the imperfections of others? That's what I thought.

I am tentatively relieved now, because orientation is done. However, I really feel as though this the calm before the storm; classes start on Monday. I want to get really excited and happy with being done. I want to jump up and down and breath one big ole sigh of relief. But I can't. I can't because I know that shit will get real on Monday. My throat will be sore as hell from talking on Monday and I can only thank God that we have central air in our new offices, because I sweat like a whore on Sunday when I get steamed. But you know, I feel like I did on exam days in college, when I think about Monday. I loved exams in college, because it was a chance for me to show off what I knew. I know a lot about this department and the protocols and procedures. I have our fall 2010 schedule memorized. I'm a weirdo. Professors come to me asking what they're teaching and where. It's weird. I'm every one's personal secretary, minus the free sex like they get on "Mad Men." Part of me enjoys the respect they have with me and the awe they have over the knowledge I do really have. However, "to whom much is given, much is expected". Which can be a heavy load to carry at times.

We all want to be the big kids on campus. We all want the fame. The glory. We want to have the "Heyy!! circa: Cheers response" when we walk into a bar. We judge how important or how successful we are based on how many people we know. Or how many friends we have on facebook or our chosen social circles. I am a fame whore. I can admit it. My mom will be the first to tell you that I like the lime light. I appreciate being a known person. I find it hard to share the spot light with anyone and until Melanie was 8 years old, I did all her talking. Humble pie, though, is something I have had so much of I could win an episode of "Top Chef" cooking.

However, as I have grown through life and experienced crazy life changing events, I find that I am ok not being in the spot light. Do not misquote me; I still enjoy being the life of the party. But there is something nice in being just a person and not have control over someone or something. That's why I loved working at GAP as an associate, because I was responsible for nothing. Zilch. Except those pesky gap credit card applications with 40% interest. Other than that, I coasted through my shifts. I wasn't' responsible for anyone. I wasn't responsible for much. Just show up. Clock in. Smile. Give some brutally honest opinions. That was it. The possible idea of moving to the middle of nowhere, America sounds amazing to me now. I wouldn't mind blending into the background of society. However, I do have one criteria: Internet access to and the occasional trip to a major city to stock up on my ridiculous priced make up :)

If this posting isn't the typical smart ass quality, it is probably because my brain is shut off. Ugh mental exhaustion. I need some Tallgrass Buffalo Sweat. And I need it now